The Best People’s Club

Actors: 4+
Notes: No props necessary except a chair for each actor/actress

Full Script

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Scene: Trevor, Jennifer, and Christina are gathered for their weekly “Best People” club meeting. Scott is late.

Trevor: (in an affected, snobbish “rich-people” voice) Welcome, Welcome to the meeting of the School’s Best People Club. Ahh, Jennifer, do you know where Scott is?

Jennifer: Um, well, I don’t know. I think he might have - uh - you know...

Christina: Car trouble?

Jennifer: Um, no... uh ...

Christina: Track Practice?

Jennifer: No, no, he quit track...

Christina: Jammed locker?

Jennifer: No...

Trevor: (cutting in on the inane “conversation”) Well, wherever he is, he’s late. Christina, why don’t you start us off with a report on your meeting with the principle.

Christina: Oh, Mr. Peabody, he makes me so mad! As everyone knows, I was assigned to go to him to ask for official sponsorship - including finances - by the school of the Best People’s Club. I must have spent an hour creating the official proposal on my computer - and he turned us down flat!

Jennifer & Trevor: Turned us down?!

Christina: Yes! He said he couldn’t justify the existence of a club who’s only purpose was to make fun of people not in the club! Can you believe it?

Jennifer: The ... The ...

Christina: Gall!

Jennifer: Yeah! The Gall!

Trevor: Well, we’ll teach him not to mess with the Best People’s Club! Jennifer, make a note of him for next meeting - put him first on the “People to Make Fun Of” list! Now, Jennifer, weren’t you working on a fund-raising plan in just in case this happened?

Jennifer: Uh, yeah, uh, we were going to do a ... uh ...

Christina: Car wash.

Jennifer: Yeah, a car wash. I thought Daddy’s servants could do it for us, but they said they wouldn’t!

Trevor: They wouldn’t? I hope you told your dad to fire them!

Jennifer: Well, uh, yeah, but he said that if we wanted a, uh...

Christina: Fund raiser

Jennifer: Yeah, fund raiser, we should do it ourselves.

Trevor: The nerve! We’ll have to put all of them on the “People to make fun of” list! Jen, make a note.

Scott: (breezes in) Hi guys! Sorry I’m late! It’s so embarrassing - my cell phone rang, but I thought it was my pager! I couldn’t find the message on the pager, so I had to call all my friends to see which one called me. And you can guess how long that took me!

Trevor: Well, Scott, since you’re late, you can start the making fun session. Jen, who’s first on the list?

Jennifer: Um, uh... (C points it out to her) Yeah, It’s Jimmy Brown. Who’s that?

Trevor: Oh yes, Jimmy Brown. The tall, gawky, pimply guy who drives a Rabbit and wears his brother’s hand-me-downs - from the 80’s! But I’m encroaching upon your territory, Scott. Please, take it away!

Scott: (Looks a little stricken) Well, uh, OK. Jimmy Brown - uh - has uh - kinda mousy hair.

Trevor: Mousy hair? Is that the best you can do? I was looking for a real roast.

Scott: Um, well, Jimmy is- well, he’s poor.

Trevor: He’s poor?! Of course he is - that’s why we’re making fun of him! Now come on, Scott. What’s wrong with you today?

Scott: Well, Trevor, you see the thing of it is...

Trevor: And there is a thing?

Scott: Yeah, you see, uh, I’ve been praying for Jimmy.

Trevor: PRAYING for him?

Scott: Yeah! See - we had this lesson at youth group a few weeks ago, and well, it said to pray for people we had trouble liking. So I did it. And you know what? It worked! I found out he’s a really good mechanic - in fact, he’s been helping me with my car.

Trevor: You let him touch your Beamer?!

Scott: Sure - did you know you actually have to change your oil every few thousand miles? No wonder I’ve been going through so many cars! He’s been working on my cars on the weekend - I think I’ll give him my old one in trade.

Trevor: Scott, to tell you the truth, I’m at a loss. I don’t know what to do with you. But because you’ve been such a loyal and active member of the Best People’s Club, I’m going to give you one more chance. Will you, or will you not, make fun of Jimmy Brown?

Scott: (Decisively) No, Trevor, I won’t.

Trevor: Then Scott, I’m afraid that I’m going to have to ask you to renounce your membership in the Best People’s Club. Jen, put him down on the list of excommunicated members.

Jennifer: Uh, uh, we don’t have a list of excommunicated members!

Trevor: (Thunders) Then MAKE ONE! And add him to the top of the "People to Make Fun Of" list for next week! Now get out of here, Scott! (Scott meekly rises and departs, not looking too awfully upset.)

Trevor: OK, Christina. I’ll let you take over the making fun session for Jimmy Brown - and make it good.

Christina: (looking a little nervous) Uh, Trevor, don’t get mad, but I don’t think I can make fun of Jimmy either. See, the thing of it is he’s been helping me with my math.

Trevor: Your math?

Christina: Well, uh, yes, actually. He’s really good at it - and he’s actually a nice guy. I was thinking maybe I could get my brother to give him some of his old clothes - he’s got tons, you know.

Trevor: Your brother's clothes?

Christina:Yeah. You know how he's poor and all... You see, I’ve been praying for him too. (uncomfortable pause) I guess I’d better leave, huh?

Trevor: (Silently points to the door.)

Christina: (Gets up) See you later, Jen.

Jennifer: Bye!

Trevor: OK, Jen, you can put Christina’s name right after Scott’s. Now, it’s your turn to make fun of Jimmy. And you’d better make it good - I’m in the mood for a real roast!

Jennifer: (Looks lost without Christina to finish her sentences.) Uh, well, um, Jimmy, you see is ... uh, well, he’s been finishing my sentences for me!

Trevor: Don’t tell me you’ve been praying for him too?

Jennifer: (Nods Mutely) Good-bye, Trevor. I’ll be praying for you! (Hurries off)

Trevor: Good-bye, Jennifer. (under his breath) Praying for me! The nerve! (Surveys the empty stage. Loudly) Well, at least I’m still popular!

The End





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