The Interview

Actors: 3 Reference: Matthew 5: the first four beatitudes Notes: The second in a long set of skits from the Sermon on the Mount

Synopsis

Hillary and Tess are job applicants participating in a non-standard double interview. His only three questions are “Why are you here?”, “What are your strengths?”, and “What are your weaknesses?” Bold, brash, and arrogant, Hillary steals the scene at every chance, and mocks Tess in subtle and not-so-subtle ways during her answers. Hillary describers herself as a “go-getter, a self starter, and someone in no need of help from anyone.” “Give me two weeks,” she claims, “and you won’t even recognize the place – and you’ll never have a lift a finger.” She sees her possible employment at this company as just one of a series of stepping-stones to her inevitable success. Her strengths, as she sees them are communication (you never have to guess about her opinion), self-starting, snappy dressing, and offensive driving – and, she declares in a burst of irony, she is an excellent team player. Tess, on the other hand, is humble, meek, and deferent. She wants the job mostly because she sees this company as a place that can help her learn and grow – she’s worked other places, but they all left her unfulfilled. She knows she is qualified for the job, but is unsure she has any special strengths. But, she does get along well with others, never quibbles about who should get the credit, and loves to make others feel wanted and appreciated. Moreover, she understands that her goal should be to elevate her employer, not herself. When asked to describe her weaknesses, she actually gets all teary-eyed as she confesses she’s not a morning person, occasionally spends too much time clustered around the water cooler, and – most heartrendingly – steals pencils. She doesn’t mean too, of course, but they always manage to end up in her purse and she often forgets to replace them at work. Hillary is, of course, entirely the opposite as she believes not to have any faults. Her entire career can be described only as a succession of successes. When the interviewer expresses incredulity – having contacted her former employer and learning she left under a cloud of suspicion and scandal – Hillary expertly deflects the blame for the snafu, finishing with “anyway, productivity increased 37% after the incident, and as we all know, the end justifies the means.” Having completed the questioning, the interviewer announces that he has made his decision. Hillary is all smiles after her “easy win,” and Tess is prepared to retreat in sniffling humility. Before she can do so, however, the interviewer pushes a button at which Hillary screams and tumbles down out of site. “My office is so much nicer,” he confesses to Tess, “since I installed that trap-door.” “Does this mean I got the job?” asks Tess, staring down the pit with a mixture of hope and disbelief. “Of course,” he replies, leading her out. “Just watch your step.”




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