The Orchard

Actors: 3
Notes: This skit may take you out of your comfort zone as it is performed "in the round" with the questioner acting from the rear of the audience. Choose your unsuspecting actors before-hand if possible - volunteers who will play along nicely are preferable!

Full Script

[View Synopsis Only]

Narrator: (selects several audience members and brings them on stage.) (“This is your brain on drugs commercial-style) These are trees. (herds the group into a rough semi-circle center stage.) These are trees growing close together on Jesus-Ground.

Fruit Fairy: (quickly visits each tree and picks a great deal of fruit from each one.) Fruit- Fruit-Fruit- Fruit- Fruit- Fruit- Fruit- Fruit!

Narrator: Any questions?

Questioner: (From back of the audience, jumps up surprising the Narrator) Yeah, I’ve got some questions! Hypothetically speaking, what happens if one of those trees was never rooted in Jesus-Ground?

Narrator: (singles out a tree and removes it from center stage.)

Fruit Fairy: (makes a reverse-picking motion – whatever that is – at the separated tree.) Tiurf- Tiurf- Tiurf- Tiurf- Tiurf- Tiurf- Tiurf!

Questioner: Uh, Turf?!?

Narrator: Fruit spelled backwards, of course! She’s de-fruiting the tree – a tree without the Jesus-Ground can’t produce anything!

Questioner: Ok, then, so let’s say that there was just one tree in the Jesus-Ground.

Narrator: (Herds all but one tree off the Jesus-Ground)

Fruit Fairy: (slowly, sparsely) Fruit…. Fruit.

Narrator: A tree apart from the rest of the orchard may produce fruit, but only a very little – a tree needs the company of other trees to be really productive.

Questioner: All right. So, is she like the Fruit Fairy or something?

Fruit Fairy: (flourishing one hand and then the other as if holding / displaying pieces of fruit) Fruit - Fruit!

Questioner: I see. So, let’s say all those trees were way far apart – like at opposite corners of the Jesus-Ground?

Narrator: (Arranges trees thusly)

Fruit Fairy: (again, slowly, sparsely) Fruit…. Fruit.

Narrator: Like I said before, a tree needs to be close to other trees to produce lots of healthy fruit. Trees need to cross-fertilize!

Questioner: I get it. So, now what if some other non-fruit bearing tree comes walking along and gets rooted in the Jesus-Ground?

Narrator: (Arranges trees back in a clump and selects a new tree from the audience.) You mean like this?

Questioner: Yeah!

Fruit Fairy: (to the new tree) Fruit- Fruit- Fruit- Fruit!

Narrator: Any tree can become a fruit-bearing tree. All it takes is the Jesus-Ground.

Questioner: A couple more! What would happen if all those trees drank coffee?

Fruit Fairy: (jumping up and down, very hyper) Fruit- Fruit- Fruit- Fruit! Fruit- Fruit- Fruit- Fruit! Fruit- Fruit- Fruit- Fruit!

Narrator: Now look what you’ve done! Do you still have any questions?

Questioner: Oh, sorry. Yeah, I was just wondering what kind of trees those are.

Narrator: They’re fruit trees, of course! What a silly question!

Questioner: Sorry again. But I do have a couple more questions. What would happen to the trees if a big storm came along?

Fruit Fairy: Fruit- Fruit- Fruit- Fruit!

Narrator: Even a big storm can’t stop trees from producing fruit when they’re clustered close together in the Jesus-Ground. They all support one-another.

Questioner: Thanks! Now, I’ve just got one more question.

Narrator: All right, but hurry it up!

Questioner: Thanks. Now, if a train leaves Phoenix at 1 pm travelling at 46 mph and another train leaves….

Narrator: (breaking in) Hey, wait a minute! Who set you up for this? You didn’t come up with all those questions yourself, did you?

Questioner: (hangs head.) You’re right. I’m a plant. (bu-dum-chick!)

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