Headline: Woman Voluntarily Goes Year w/o Sex!
Interview with an author who discovered the earth-shattering, ground-breaking, and completely unexpected fact that NOT jumping into bed w/ a guy on the first date might actually be a good thing.
(Warning, somewhat explicit. Well, not really, but the words "sex" and "naked" appear a few times!)
Excerpt:
Q: I don't really know any guys who aren't religious who would be OK with not having sex. Isn't it sort of an expected part of a healthy relationship?
A: Absolutely. Sex is an important part of an intimate relationship -- I'm not arguing otherwise. But I think we misuse it sometimes, to create the illusion of intimacy in a dating scenario, to dodge an awkward conversation in a relationship. If you do that too often, sex loses some of it power. I do think that timing is important, too. In certain circumstances, you can short-circuit a potentially meaningful connection by rushing to have sex. Once you've been to bed with someone, the stakes are higher. There are some conversations you feel just too vulnerable to have naked. I actually know plenty of attractive, sane, non-religious guys who would welcome the chance to slow the pace if they saw a future with that person. In my experience, guys tend to be far more evolved when it comes to intimacy and emotions than pop culture gives them credit for.
Thoughts:
Sarcasm aside, I find it frightening that we now live in a culture in which a "normal" person actually finds the above truth to be earth shattering, ground breaking, and totally unexpected. In which readers and interviewers are, in fact, amazed that a vibrant, attractive 30 year old might consider the radical step of abstinance as a viable relationship strategy. In which people are apparently learning for the first time after 10 years of casual flings that sex outside of marriage might actually get in the way of deep relationships.
Yeah, I know none of this ought really to surprise me. I haven't been living under a rock, our current lack of TV reception not withstanding. But every once in a while I get my face rubbed in it and - well - it makes me sad.
Link: Chastened - a year without sex
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